Working with My Husband

I had no idea the challenges that would face me in working with my husband. I thought it would be fun. I thought it would be great to spend some time together. I had a few suspicions as to the obstacles he would face, but I didn't realize how I would react to them.

I'm having a really hard time with it, yet I can't put my finger on just why. Which makes it very difficult to address the problem. So I thought I'd use my blog to try to sort it out (pretty sure nobody is reading this anyway).

How things were vs. how things are:

6 months ago

I loved my job and was kicking ass. I was the top sales rep at my company and I'm pretty sure my co-workers were all envious. My boss adored me, my customers were great, I traveled fun places. My friends were jealous that I had such a cool job, and E preferred to talk about my job over his because it was so much more interesting.

3 months ago

The high from the end of last year was still strong. I was preparing for the event of the year, taking E with me as a reward, and making great strides with my main strategic account. E was struggling with his job and had been approached about working with my company. Sales had slowed down, I assumed this was due to the start of a new year.

This month

E has started working with me. He is so happy and excited for his new job. We now spend our evenings talking about his job, the challenges he faces, and strategies for success. When we talk about my job, it is usually to address a issue he is having.

One of the biggest changes for me has been my "work at home" schedule. I have always related to Friday night as the unwind, Saturday as the day off (but staying on top of my emails), and Sunday as the project / catchup day with some clearly defined personal time. E's work from home schedule is not at all the same. Since he is still picking up on many of the procedural details, we usually talk about procedures on the way home, strategies in the evening, and research at night.

This is totally fucking me up. It feels like the lines are blurred. For the first time in over a year, I'm having work dreams. I grind my teeth at night to the extent that I actually irritated a tooth into needing a root canal.

I'm also no longer enviable. This is true at home and at the office. I've had a very slow quarter and am certain that none of my coworkers are jealous of my success at the moment. Then I come home and no longer have a husband who envies my job, because he loves his own so much.

Maybe I am just a selfish little bitch who likes to be the center of attention (it wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of this). It seems wrong that I am so unhappy about his happiness. I guess I was really getting something out of all of the attention. I think it was driving me, and now I have crashed.

Today at work, my boss (who is a great boss--and I don't just say that in case he is reading) asked me how I was doing. Either he is very perceptive or I am very transparent because he can always tell when I am "off". I told him I was ok, but that I am having a hard time adjusting to working with E. He asked why, and I mentioned an event that happened last night, where I thought I was giving E some constructive coaching and I felt he was defensive. This then turned into an extensive conversation about E. No more focus on me. That is just how it is going.

I think that I had this vision of how working together would be. I thought that I, being one of the most senior people and a top sales rep, would give him golden advice. I thought he would listen to my every word and follow it like it was golden. I expected that in return, he would give me great suggestions that would only make me better. Instead, he resists my coaching and says I am demeaning or condecending. I then get frustrated and we get in a fight.

The stress is compounded by the fact that every at home arguement is about work. Like I said, the lines are blurred. At least before when we fought, it was about the Tango or fishing.

This was useful. Now I have some insight into why I am struggling:

1. The unfulfilled (and uncommunicated) expectation that I would be a great role model, mentor, teacher, and coach
2. I am no longer the center of attention and envy
3. Blurred lines between my personal and business life

Too bad I didn't have something more fun to blog about. I always enjoy inserting cool little pictures or graphics...all I could insert today is a frowny face :(