On Fish & Meditation (Meditation on Fish?)

So the meditation practice has not progressed. After my rather discouraging 3 minute exercise the other day, I have determined that I need some sort of structure or discipline for this practice. I did some research (of course), and found out that many people find the aid of "meditation beads" helps. The way the beads work is you recite the mantra one time for each bead, and there are 108 beads. So I bought some beads on Ebay and will resume meditation practice when the beads show up.

On a slightly more exciting note, I got a small starter aquarium for Christmas. I actually bought it for myself and when E found out he made me call it a present and wait for Christmas to open it. It is a very cute aquarium called a BiOrb, and I think it will be good for teaching me some fish mom basics.

The first two fishies went in today. They are a type of fish called Platys and the guy at the fish store said they should do good in my aquarium even though I don't have a heater. I've named them Lee and Spike, the smaller one is Spike because his fin on his back appears to be more spikey than the other fish's fin.

I'm hoping that fish keeping can be a hobby that E and I both enjoy. Maybe if the BiOrb goes well I can get a larger aquarium

Second thoughts on the Mantra

I'm not sure what is going on with Aham Brahmasmi, but after doing some searching and finding this YouTube video, I think I might stick with a more simple one like So Ham.

aham Brahmasmi [uhum bruhmaasmi]

This is how Meditation Day 1 went:

1. Spend 15 minutes reading the first link that came up when I Googled "How to Meditate"
2. Decide this isn't the kind of meditation that I had in mind, think for a few minutes about what the type of meditation was that I read about in some book
3. Do another search and determine that Mantra Meditation is more what I have in mind
4. Read about mantras and find one that sounds cool "Aham Brahmasmi"
5. How the hell do you pronounce that? How am I supposed to meditate using an expression I can't pronounce? Spend some time trying to find a Sanskrit pronounciation guide
6. Set the mood- turn on the fireplace and dim some lights
7. Pick up the kitten and sit cross legged on the floor (this is how you do it, right?).
8. Exhale - uhum - inhale - bruhmassmi - exhale - uhum - inhale - bruhmassmi ... wait this isn't working
9. Do the talking in my head! Yes that's it.
10.Sucessfully breath the mantra for 3 minutes before getting physcially uncomfortable - breathing tempo is funny, legs hurt, back hurts...

How is this a spiritual activity? I'll try it for a week. Now that I've got it figured out, it should be easy -- right?

http://www.e-bazi.com/2007/04/24/secrets-of-mantra-meditation/

Spirituality

Something I have felt is missing in my life over the past year or so is Spirituality. Having been raised in a cynical and anti-religious environment, and then having grown up to study philosophy (which I somehow consider un-religious--even though most philosophers are in some respect debating God), and then to marry someone with an equally un-religious background, the whole topic just feels uncomfortable.

I have so many internal conversations that prevent me from even exploring this subject. It's silly, it's not "real", only conservatives are into God, I can't fit in, I don't know how...the list goes on and on. So much so, that I find myself very stuck in the area of religion.

I remember when I was a teenager, and I was into studying writers like Emerson and Thoreau, that I once had this glimmer of a though about "the whole picture". I remember writing in my journal about how the soul was like one giant bowl of stew, and each of us was like a serving of that stew. I guess where I was going from that is that we are all are from the same stock. Or something like that. At any rate, I remember it seemed very enlightened to me at the time.

So maybe I will use this blog to explore spirituality a bit. I can take on different experiments in spirituality, and use this as a place to report and reflect on my experiences.

Currently, I'm intrigued by meditation. But again, I don't know how to begin. Where does one go to study meditation? Without a friend to introduce you to the practice, where do you learn?

I've decided I'm going to Google "how to meditate" and see what I come up with. I will try it for a few days and let you know how it goes (whoever "you" are).

http://www.how-to-meditate.org/

Blog Topics?

E is giving me a hard time because I don't have anything to blog "about". I've browsed through other people's blogs, and it doesn't seem like it is a RULE that you have to have a subject. I guess it depends on whether or not you actually want people to READ your blog.

For now, this blog is just about my life and thoughts. I've spent the morning editing the blog, adding fun stuff to it, and making it more "gwen like". I'm still finding myself pretty concerned about the potential audiance. I guess if I had a set topic, I would know the audiance, and then this would be less of an issue.

I could blog about work, or vacations (though those are few and far between), or food, or books...or I can just lump it all into one blog. Maybe I will just blog about blogging. That's all I've done so far!

I want to be a blogger

I'm not sure what it is about this blogging business that interests me, but I keep finding myself drawn to it. There is something strange about creating a journal of your thoughts, and then putting it out for the world to see. It's somewhat voyeuristic.

I think I'm drawn to the mystery of who is reading. And the game of keeping myself honest and true in my writing, even knowing that this might be read by a total stranger, or by an old crush, or even a potential client (I think this might be most likely, as I did recently have a client Google me and report back that he liked my wedding pictures.)

I'm also drawn to the challenge of actually writing regularly. When I was younger, writing brought be so much peace. Now it is a skill I reserve for emails--and I do write a damn good email. But writing is more than a professional skill, it's an intellectual exercise.

So here it is. My blog. Welcome.